Fairy tale travelers are just the worst travelers, and probably the worst people, in the world! Let’s talk about these lovely people, why I hate them, and why you are probably one of them, and maybe me sometimes too but hey, can’t be perfect all the time.
I change that, I am perfect all the time! You are the annoying fairy tale traveler!
A fairy tale traveler is one who finds no fault in the city in which they are visiting; they see only that which they wish to see. Aw, the sky is more blue here; the dogs don’t walk they trot; and the gypsies are actually just animated street decorations. They love every city more than the last regardless of the reality of the city and, dare you try to correct these perceptions, I’m thinking now about when I used to tell travelers about the heroin addict problem in Dublin, these travelers will cast you as Satan and refuse to even be in your presence. They will not allow any reality to ruin their dream.
They enter a sort of schizophrenic psychosis that allows them to live in a perpetual state of experiential orgasm.
Nothing is bad to a fairy tale traveler because they do not want to believe that there is anything wrong with something that they have wanted to do their entire life. They live in a dream world because it is only there that these cities and experiences can actually live up to their dreams.
They overlook the harsh realities of the cities they visit and can only see what they think is good. Now, with that last sentence you may be saying that this is just seeing the glass half-full instead of half-empty – ha.ha.ha. – let’s continue.
If a city is full of trash, the fairy tale traveler will not see it; if a city is full of criminals and drug addicts, they will say that that exists in every city; if the city is full of rude people, they will say that that is just a different culture and that we should embrace someone being a prick because of that; if the food tastes like crap, they will say that we just don’t have refined taste buds or that we lack a decent palate – lack a decent palate?!?! go f**k yourself!
Basically, according to the fairy tale traveler, the only thing wrong with the city is that you are there! In fact, many fairy tale travelers don’t even want to associate with you because you may be from the same country and they want to make sure that they get the 100% exact fairy tale experience that they have been fantasizing about for the last year.
If this still doesn’t make sense, think about the group of 4 girls from America (Sorry Canada, only we get that distinction 😉 ) that travel to Paris to sit on the Champs Elysees while sipping wine, tasting cheese until they have dragon breath, chomping down baguettes while secretly wishing for a cheeseburger, and desperately trying to find Pierre, the semi-totally gay man-purse wearing cheek kissing French man with a beret. What makes them the worst is not that they expected this to happen or wanted it to happen but that they will not accept anything less than this exact experience and that they will not see anything else except for this experience, even if it never happens. This is the crème de la crème of fairy tale travelers.
And this, my friends, is the worst kind of traveler – they are arrogant, snobby, and just plain horrible people to be around if they don’t get their way. I much prefer the easy-going take-it-as-it-comes traveler or even just the ignorant “I hate traveling” type of traveler because at least they are still fun to have a beer with down at the pub.
I am not saying that you shouldn’t have wonderful expectations for a city, God knows I do, or that you shouldn’t be a 100% tourist in a city, God knows I am, BUT don’t be a self-righteous dick about it! Yes, have all of the touristy and local experiences that you want but, if at the end of the day you want a McDonald’s cheeseburger, fries, and a coke, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and you may even see me there.
Now that you have taken my advice, let’s grab a beer sometime if we are ever in the same city! 🙂
Also, writing this article has reminded me of the other kind of traveler that I hate, the “I refuse to do anything touristy because it is touristy tourist.” I’ll write more about that in another article though.
Write in the comments below and tell me about a tourist type or traveler that really annoys you!