May 252014

Woman EntangledI’d like to talk about something that affects me, especially as a traveler.  Though, don’t expect any racy photos, just a bit about life, love, and lovers.

As a traveler, I find myself almost comically alone.  I say that because, though I may meet 10, 20, or even more people every day that I am actively traveling, I am still perpetually alone.  This is why a lover can be so important and have such an impact on a traveler’s life.

They provide a level of comfort almost equal to that of a true companion without most of the drawbacks of a real relationship.  Before I continue, I want to make it very clear that this is different than the fickle notion of a “fuck-buddy” or a one-night-stand.  These encounters are nothing more than a replacement for a right-hand.  A lover is so much more.

A lover can get you through the tough times in your life; a lover can comfort you and put a smile on your face when no one else can; a lover doesn’t necessarily leave before you wake up and, hell, she might even make you breakfast once; a lover’s smile always makes you happy; and, most important, a lover helps you relax and feel an ultimate sense of tranquility before, during, and after what might have been a tornado of an evening the likes of which you may not otherwise indulge.

But, alas, a lover is not and cannot be permanent.  Otherwise she would not be a lover.  Never forget that the lover is not your significant other; she is not your girlfriend and you need to keep it that way.  The lover is no more than a prescription pain killer – it doesn’t cure the source of the problem, it just covers up the problem for that moment and takes you to another world.

This is why the lover cannot be permanent.  She cannot be your girlfriend or all of the remedies that she provides will be gone.  If you see her every day, she will not be able to take you away from that which you experience every day; if you talk to her all the time, she has become something more, something real, quickly nullifying the effect of the lover.

Most important, however, is that you not ever, under any circumstance, fall for your lover; and, if she is great, hell amazing, instead of just good, you may end up falling for her.  But, she is your lover and not your love.  The second that you fall for your lover is the second that the pain that she helped to alleviate becomes a thousand times worse.  She will never love you back and loving a ghost is worse than loving nothing at all.

  2 Responses to “Why A Lover Should be Good but Never Great”

  1. John, this and the more recent posts are well written and a delight to read. Enjoy the romance of the twenties before this gives way to the requisite working drudgery and stress of the thirites, followed by the cynicism and mild despair of the forties.

    I see a writing career for you in the works, consulting is a bit more left brained and it would seem your environment is firing the nondominant hemisphere well now. Your writjng is excellent, only maybe superceded by a video soliloquy verbally administered…you are after all in Europe, lots of scenery available as a suitable backdrop.

    You have a firm grasp on the raptures a good chemical attraction can bring about…and I have to disagree that the prize is the lover who is also the companion….luck dictating whether she wears a ring which thwarts your future efforts or not…finding that prize and not able to violate the moral code which restricts your attaining it can be a real bitch however. Luck is tricky, but your travels provide measures to get on luck’s good side.

    • I’ve been thinking a lot about giving some more monologues as I travel and letting people see a bit more of what it is really like to travel for a long period of time but I worried that that might be boring. I will try and do some more thing though and maybe make them like my Dubrovnik video that I put on Facebook or Youtube or both, I don’t remember. And yea, I sometimes have to remind myself that, though tumultuous, the journey and relationships are certainly exciting.

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